PETS WHO WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES

“Really wish this couch was 40 stories high so I could jump off it.”

Millie from in Kelsey in Burlington, Ontario

“I wanna cock-a-doodle-die right now.”

Penhois From Tess in Phnom Penh, Cambodia (now residing in Athens, GA)

“Can you get electrocuted from chewing on Xmas lights?… Let’s hope so.”

Charlie from Ellen in Long Beach, CA

“Extinction can’t come soon enough.”

Kirby from Katie in the Buffalo, NY

“Stop taking your shitty childhood out on me.”

Gauis Baltar from Elizabeth in Richmond, VA

“I’m done playing your bullshit reindeer games.”

Bert from Amanda in Vero Beach, FL

No jokey caption here. After an exhaustive search, I’ve gotten my first dog (yes, he’s a rescue)… World meet Snax!

No doubt you’re wondering when Snax will make his dressed-up debut on this site. That’s where you come in. Please leave a comment below on what I should dress Snax as (mermaid? L. Ron Hubbard? sexy chimney sweep?) and if I use your suggestion, I’ll request your address and send you a copy of the Pulitzer Prize winning PWWTKT book. 

Of course, all this depends on how Snax feels about the whole thing. Not every pet is made for hot pants.

As always, thanks for your great submissions.

“It’s a beautiful day to work in the garden. Think I’ll go bury myself six feet under.”

Zooey from Melanie in Winnipeg, Manitoba

“The Royal Wedding was three weeks ago. Get the fuck over it!

Leoski from Svetlana in Melbourne, Australia

“With God Almighty as my witness, I swear this is the last time you ever humiliate me!…. Now tickle my belly.”

Pika from Bradford via Mia (ok guys, what’s the deal) in New Orleans, LA